i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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