Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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