she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sarcasm needs its own font
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
