Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
