ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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