I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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