Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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