My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize