I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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