some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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