I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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