Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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