I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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