Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
