So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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