I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
