you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
