the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
