I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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