i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
