Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
