I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
