Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
