if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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