Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
