if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Operation Purity has been aborted
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
