This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Houston, we have a squirter
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
