Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
