The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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