I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
