I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
