Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
