My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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