I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
