mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
