he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize