I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
