She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
