She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
