God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she told me i tasted like america
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
