I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
