I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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