So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
