idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
