"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
