Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
