You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
zippers are such a cool invention
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
