if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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