I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
