no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
