she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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