i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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