Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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