After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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