I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
