Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
