When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Houston, we have a blender
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize