I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
