I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
