She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
