take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
