The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
