wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
