I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
