hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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