Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
