I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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