Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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