I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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