im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
