when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
